Card of the Day: XVIII The Moon
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The Wild Unknown Tarot [/caption]
This waning moon phase is holding me like a mother and also kicking my ass. I feel this large-scale, astronomical lunar support for turning inward and mucking about in my inner swamp, and what I find there is hard to hold. Part of what makes it hard to hold is that the world is so undeniably on fire. It has been, for a long time, but COVID-19 + the brutality of our social structures is stoking that fire. What the fuck am I doing mucking about in my inner depths in such a moment?
Trying to find my humanity. To find what is real for me—what I really feel, what I really think, what I really want. Not what a “good person” or a “good white person” or a “good Buddhist” or a “good spiritual person” feels, thinks, and wants. And I am trusting that this inner work is not unrelated to the larger work of creating a world and a culture centered on care and justice. How could I possibly contribute to creating that world if I am not taking care of my own corner of the world—my messes, my harms (given and received), my shadows? How could I possibly show up well for others if I don’t know how to show up for my own humanity?
Yesterday I gave myself a screen-free day. It was beautiful and relaxed, and I realize that I was also inner-working my ass off. This morning I sat by the swollen creek and cried. I talked to the rushing, burbling water like it was a mother who was deeply interested in my pain. And you know what? It helped.
This is a weird fucking time. Sometimes I think COVID-19 is a karmic accelerator. Individual, interpersonal, communal, and collective karma rushing at us like a swollen river, ready to wash everything away to start over. I hope to use the rest of this waning moon phase to do some subconscious reprogramming—to tell myself a better, truer, fuller and more complex story about who I am and what I want to do with this life. And to gather in some of the parts of myself that I’ve been leaving out in the cold for a long time.
What stories are you revisiting or revising right now?
