2 min read tarot

Card of the Day: Ten of Wands

Card of the Day: Ten of Wands

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Spirit Within Tarot

Spirit Within Tarot [/caption]

I was working on my intentions for the new moon yesterday, and I ended up pulling out my copy of Melody Beattie’s Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps. I’d left off working on Step Four, and decided to backtrack and pick up Step Three and see what might be there for me to practice.

I went for a walk with a friend the other day, and along a stretch of quiet road, I held her elbow and walked with my eyes closed. The idea was to experience spring through the other senses. It took a little while, but my gait slowed and I felt the breeze on my face and the sound of the birds and the creek water came forward and the lilacs made their presence known. But for the first several minutes, my whole experience was taken up with: Is my friend okay? Is she uncomfortable? Is she tweaking her shoulder by letting me hold on like this? I finally asked her: Are you okay? And she laughed gently, which helped me realize that I’d been completely out of my sensory-experiential lane and was instead obsessing about how she was.

In the past few days, I can see and feel my old Al-Anonic habits rearing up more clearly. This card to me represents codependency. The idea that I’ll be such a good, kind, giving person...and then feel resentful about it. Or that I know the right way that this needs to happen, and I won’t feel safe or settled until it happens that way. Or that what I do, or don’t do, will determine the course and quality of another person’s life.

I think COVID and the uncertainty of this time and who knows what else has really kicked this up for me. I’m feeling exquisitely grateful to be able to turn back to my program, and to have a dear program friend in my life who can really help me get my head on straight. From Melody Beattie: “We no longer have to allow our self-esteem to be determined by the actions, words, feelings, or beliefs of others.” Really!?!? Apparently: Really. So this is what I’m practicing.

What are you practicing right now?

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